I once was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding. She was super organized but she and her husband did nearly everything themselves. He even made their own wedding cake! While he was wrapped up with that huge undertaking, she and the girls were creating wedding signs, kids activities, decor, cleaning the church and handling all of the details. They were stretched thin, being pulled in different directions. They had been so caught up in the planning and prepping that they had hardly spent any time together, and when it came to the wedding day, they were drained.
Don’t make the same mistake a lot of couples do (myself included). Yes, there is a ton to get done, but don’t let your to-do list overtake your relationship. You are going to want to start off your life together on a good note, not on your last nerve. So to help invest in your relationship, we would like to share few ways to be intentional and stay connected to your fiancé in the midst of wedding planning.
1. Involve Your Fiancé In Decisions – While brides often have a specific wedding vision in mind, your groom will have preferences too. Maybe you’re a couple that chooses every little detail together. I know my husband and I wanted to plan everything together, it was our day after all right? But I found that when it came to the details, he would get overwhelmed with the little things like bridesmaid accessories or which candles sticks to use for our tablescape. I had to come to terms with the fact that he was not going to care about everything and that’s ok. Find out what decisions are important to him and work together to choose things that meet those desires. (For my husband, one of the decisions he wanted to be involved in was the food. He deals with food allergies, so we wanted to make sure he could eat and enjoy our wedding food. By including him in the decisions that were important to him, he felt loved and that his opinions mattered to me.)
2. Share Your Vision – I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “sharing is caring.” In this instance, we’re talking about caring for your own sanity as well as caring for your relationship with your fiance. We understand, as the bride, you may have dreamed of this day for a long time and cannot simply hand off your wedding vision to just anyone. Unfortunately, cloning is not possible in the 21st century, so it will be important for you to find a few trusted friends or a wedding planner that will help share your load. This will help keep you on track, and free up some of your time to invest in your relationship. So when it comes to your wedding day, you won’t be emotionally drained and relationally on the fringe. (Note: try not to share big responsibilities with family members who are involved in the wedding day. You don’t want dad showing up late for pictures because he was delivering flowers, or your mom to be emotionally shot because she was working late setting up your venue space.)
3. Attend Premarital Counseling – Wise counsel is a gift from God! Premarital counseling can help you learn more about your future spouse and spark important conversations about your life together. It will also provide you a break from wedding planning and give you the focused time to pour into each other. Though it may seem impossible to add one more thing to your plate, learning from another seasoned couple is so helpful because they’ve been there. They can share how to keep the love alive, how to deal with conflict and many other experiential pieces of wisdom that will help you start on a solid foundation.
4. Communicate – This leads us to our fourth way to stay connected; communication. Simple as it is, it can be difficult at times. It can be easier to assume intentions and absorb hurt, but to build into a healthy foundation, open and honest conversation is critical. Planning can be stressful and can cause tension that sometimes hides beneath the surface. So take the time to talk with your fiance before it gets to the boiling point. When expectations go unmet, share how you were hurt. Be quick to apologize when you fail each other. It will be these moments of intentionality that will keep you close and focused on what matters in the midst of planning.
5. Don’t Stop Dating! – If you’ve recently booked your wedding with us, you know that we currently give our couples a date night as a thank you gift. This is our way of encouraging them to continue investing in their relationship and not lose sight of what matters. We get it, life is busy and adding wedding planning on top of everything else can be overwhelming. It can eat into your quality time with each other. Dating can be fun, spontaneous, and romantic, but there’s always that curiosity and longing to go deeper. So during the season of your engagement and even in marriage, it is important that you continue to date because your wedding is not the end, but merely the beginning. So make the time for each other and schedule a regular date night. And just like parents are encouraged not to talk about the kids while they’re on a date, try to make it a point to not talk about the wedding in regards to planning or logistics. As a result, you’ll be less distracted and more in tune with each other. If you need a little help getting started with fun and meaningful conversation, we’ve put together “15 Conversation Starters to Keep Date Night From Turning into Another Planning Session.” (Download it below.)